So Overwheling

I`m starting high school tomorrow...And well the title of this post says it all
Ever since I was a little girl I did not like change I hated change. I have really bad anxiety problems so right now my anxiety is super high. I'm pretty scared of having a panic attack at my new school because I dont know any of the teachers and I'm to scared to ask for help. I had great teachers at my old school they always helped me through them and i had great friendships with all of them. i`m really going to miss my old school, my friends and my teachers. Moving on from that school is really hard for me I`m a very SHY girl and have a hard time making friends because i`m that shy. I have a hard time in big crowds of people i just get so overwhelmed by everyone.

I have to start taking the bus too it would`nt be that bad but there are kids that go on the same bus as me that used to bully me! I`m getting on the bus with my friend Taylor so that makes it a little better i guess...

The first week or so will be hard it will take time to get used to everything and everyone.
I`m a very Strong and Brave girl!! I will Stand my ground!! I will try my best!!

Stress!!!
-Feeling overwhelmed
-Anxious or racing thoughts
-Constant worrying
-Inability to concentrate
-Inability to relax
-Tension headaches
-Stomach aches
-Racing heart
-Chest pain
-Eating less
-Sleeping less
-Nervous habit (nail biting, pacing, playing with my necklace, cracking my knuckles)
Everything on that list happens to me when I`m under a lot of stress!!

Dear Jaden

Dear Jaden,

I miss you so much it's crazy! My heart still feels empty it's like a big hole that will never heal. The first day I met you I fell in love with you I couldn't help but to love you. I miss your big beautiful eye lashes I miss the way you said my name I just miss everything about you. I spent every Wednesday with you I loved babysitting you. I will always remember the times we played hockey all night long. I will always remember the times I read water the farting dog to you. I held you when you where sick I hugged you when you where sad I prayed with you before you went to sleep at night I held you tight when you woke up from a bad dream And i held your hand in the car the day you left. I loved to hear you sing in the car to all your favorite songs. You always called me little tiff you always loved when i had a sleepover with you. Jaden the day you left broke my heart I stayed strong for you on that day I didn't cry because I didn't want you to cry. When you jumped into my arms and Said I Love You Little Tiff Goodbye my heart just broke when i got into the car and looked back at you waving the wall of tears I held back just broke down. I cried with shay we left so lost without you. knowing that I will never see my little Jaden grow up killed me I tried to pull myself together before we got to west Edmonton mall my eyes where red from crying my face was puffy. I spent the night at devin and Tiff's house I went to bed with shay we cried again shay fell asleep but i couldn't so i walked into Jadens room and sat on the floor beside his bed. I fell asleep beside his bed tiff came in and woke me up and said that I could sleep in his bed so i did i went back to sleep later that night I woke up and heard tiff crying I started crying again. when Jaden left it felt like he died because we will never see him again and we lost someone we truly loved. i miss that kid everyday I can't believe he is already 6 years old when I met him he was only 4 years old. He will always be in my heart forever & always i Love You Jaden!!! i miss you so Much it hurts!!!

Chipped Tooth!!!!

Alright so I have a chipped tooth!!

It is driving me crazy...not because of the way it looks but the way it feels it is giving me alot of pain!! One of the worse parts about having a chipped tooth is that I have to go to the dentist!! i hate the dentist because I hate needles!! No Needles No Problem that's what i say!!

I'm have a dentist appointment tomorrow at 1:30 so not looking forward to it...I'm pretty scared about the whole thing to be honesty. I don`t know what they are going to do to me? What if they have to give me freezing? I so don't take freezing that well they just have to keep shooting me with that stupid needle! Last time i went to the dentist i almost fainted from the needle that how scared i am about it!! i guess it does not help to be stressing and freaking out about it.

i have to look at it in a good way keep my mind on the positive parts about going....I won't have the pain anymore if i go! i guess I just wanted to right about it because it make me feel batter after I write!

20 things about me

1. I Love Coffee!!!
2. I have a Big family!
3. I am very shy!
4. I Love making people happy and smile!
5. I am scared of Needles and Spiders
6. I have lost someone I loved
7. I have very few best friends
8. I have 2 cats and 1 dog
9. I take anti-depressants
10. I Love Running
11. I have trouble trusting people
12. I don`t eat meat!
13. I have a heart murmur
14. I get a lot of headaches
15. I want to make a youtube account
16. I don`t Eat much
17. I live on a farm
18. I have a sister-in-law with the same name as me
19. I love watching movies
20. I wear glasses and contacts

Things That Make Me Happy

1. Hugs from friend's
2. Running
3. Nice email's
4. Going wakeboarding
5. I Love when people write me LETTER'S!!!
6. Going out for Coffee with a Friend
7. Taking Picture's
8. My Family
9. Writing poems
10. COFFEE!!!!

Running The Race

Today I woke up and decided to go running. I have not gone running in a Long time!
I was thinking about how far I should run I wanted it to be hard but not to hard.

I decided to go for 6km I started out jogging than picked up the pace to running.

Everything was going good I love that time spent running. I forgot how good it felt I forgot that freedom that running gave me. I got to 3km it was really hot out I felt myself loosing energy.

I did not want to stop yet...But my body was telling me too. I was pushing myself pretty hard. finally at 4.50km I stopped and caught my breath it was so Hot my lungs hurt.

I wanted to give up and walk the rest of the way. I told myself Tiff don't give up keep going show yourself how Strong you really are just keep going! I wanted to give up so Bad though...But I'm a fighter and fight till I finish no matter how hard or how bad it hurts.

I have to show myself how Strong I really am.

I kept running and telling myself I could do it wasn't that long and I finished I felt good.

I was proud of myself for not giving up and kept going even when it was hard and

I felt tired.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that in life we are running a race.
That race is going to get hard if it hasn't already been hard.
We are going to get tired
We are going to get weak
We will be faced with huge hills to climb
We are going to want to give up right than and there.
We are going to feel pain physically, Emotionally and maybe even sprightly.
No matter how hard the race is going to get or how it is right now.
Do your personal best! stay strong believe in yourself have hope and faith
show yourself how strong you truly are...It's OK to take a break just remember to get back up and keep going. Life is Hard it is one of the Hardest race's to run.
Things happen in life that can truly affect you...having Hope, Faith and believing in yourself will keep you going strong.
So never give up the race can get easier!