Stand in the rain

This is a song by Superchick...This song I can really relate too I have gone through some pretty hard times in my life. Through everyone of the hard times I faced I remember to Stay Strong even when I was at my weakest point. I now that I will be faced with many more hard times I just have to remember to stay Strong through everything.

She never slows down

She doesn`t know why but,

She knows that when

She`s all alone, it feels

Like its all, coming down

She wont turn around

The shadows are long

And she fears if she cries

The first tears will not stop

Raining down

So stand in the rain

Stand your ground

Stand up when its all crashing down

You stand through the pain

You wont drown

And one day whats lost can be found

You stand in the rain

She wont make a sound

Alone in this fight with herself

And the fears whispering

If she stands, she`ll fall down

She wants to be found

The only way out is through

Everything shes running from

Wants to give up and lie down

So stand in the rain

Stand your ground

Stand up when its all crashing down¸

You stand through the pain

You wont drown

And one day whats lost can be found

You stand in the rain

Day 1 of High School...

Alright so my first day was awful taking the bus was OK i guess the kids that go on my bus are a little weird. They swear all the time they talk about drugs and sex all the time...I have never been around people like this...The school is OK i guess people dont care who`s in the hallways! They will just push you out of there way and not even say sorry! This school is pretty big compared to my old school! The teachers are nice but not as nice as the PHAS teachers. The kids are OK some are weird but there are some nice kids there...I feel alittle out of place there right now most of the grade 10 girls have been going there since Jr high so they all know each other and have groups so that leaves the new kids feeling out of place and alone. Some of the girls are stuck up and don't want anything to do with you!!

It is going to take me a while to get used to everything this is a huge change for me and well i`m not taking so good right now I had Bad Anxiety chest pains today my neck and shoulders where so sore and tight!! I had a headache most of the day...I can home so tired it was crazy!!

The whole day all i wanted to do was go home i didn't want to be there i just wanted to be home away from everyone and all the stress!!

I`m doing OK right now but i know i will have another bad night!! woke up to a panic attack last night that's how bad my anxiety was it was awful i was gasping for air and crying because it felt like i was going to die!!

I take stuff for my anxiety but it`s not working right now so maybe i need to up the dose i guess i will talk to my Dr next week because i have an appt so i will see what she say`s

I didn't get any homework today so that was a blessing!!! but I'm sure tomorrow i will get some we will be starting everything tomorrow.

Well i`m pretty tired so i better go to bed now!!

So Overwheling

I`m starting high school tomorrow...And well the title of this post says it all
Ever since I was a little girl I did not like change I hated change. I have really bad anxiety problems so right now my anxiety is super high. I'm pretty scared of having a panic attack at my new school because I dont know any of the teachers and I'm to scared to ask for help. I had great teachers at my old school they always helped me through them and i had great friendships with all of them. i`m really going to miss my old school, my friends and my teachers. Moving on from that school is really hard for me I`m a very SHY girl and have a hard time making friends because i`m that shy. I have a hard time in big crowds of people i just get so overwhelmed by everyone.

I have to start taking the bus too it would`nt be that bad but there are kids that go on the same bus as me that used to bully me! I`m getting on the bus with my friend Taylor so that makes it a little better i guess...

The first week or so will be hard it will take time to get used to everything and everyone.
I`m a very Strong and Brave girl!! I will Stand my ground!! I will try my best!!

Stress!!!
-Feeling overwhelmed
-Anxious or racing thoughts
-Constant worrying
-Inability to concentrate
-Inability to relax
-Tension headaches
-Stomach aches
-Racing heart
-Chest pain
-Eating less
-Sleeping less
-Nervous habit (nail biting, pacing, playing with my necklace, cracking my knuckles)
Everything on that list happens to me when I`m under a lot of stress!!

Dear Jaden

Dear Jaden,

I miss you so much it's crazy! My heart still feels empty it's like a big hole that will never heal. The first day I met you I fell in love with you I couldn't help but to love you. I miss your big beautiful eye lashes I miss the way you said my name I just miss everything about you. I spent every Wednesday with you I loved babysitting you. I will always remember the times we played hockey all night long. I will always remember the times I read water the farting dog to you. I held you when you where sick I hugged you when you where sad I prayed with you before you went to sleep at night I held you tight when you woke up from a bad dream And i held your hand in the car the day you left. I loved to hear you sing in the car to all your favorite songs. You always called me little tiff you always loved when i had a sleepover with you. Jaden the day you left broke my heart I stayed strong for you on that day I didn't cry because I didn't want you to cry. When you jumped into my arms and Said I Love You Little Tiff Goodbye my heart just broke when i got into the car and looked back at you waving the wall of tears I held back just broke down. I cried with shay we left so lost without you. knowing that I will never see my little Jaden grow up killed me I tried to pull myself together before we got to west Edmonton mall my eyes where red from crying my face was puffy. I spent the night at devin and Tiff's house I went to bed with shay we cried again shay fell asleep but i couldn't so i walked into Jadens room and sat on the floor beside his bed. I fell asleep beside his bed tiff came in and woke me up and said that I could sleep in his bed so i did i went back to sleep later that night I woke up and heard tiff crying I started crying again. when Jaden left it felt like he died because we will never see him again and we lost someone we truly loved. i miss that kid everyday I can't believe he is already 6 years old when I met him he was only 4 years old. He will always be in my heart forever & always i Love You Jaden!!! i miss you so Much it hurts!!!

Chipped Tooth!!!!

Alright so I have a chipped tooth!!

It is driving me crazy...not because of the way it looks but the way it feels it is giving me alot of pain!! One of the worse parts about having a chipped tooth is that I have to go to the dentist!! i hate the dentist because I hate needles!! No Needles No Problem that's what i say!!

I'm have a dentist appointment tomorrow at 1:30 so not looking forward to it...I'm pretty scared about the whole thing to be honesty. I don`t know what they are going to do to me? What if they have to give me freezing? I so don't take freezing that well they just have to keep shooting me with that stupid needle! Last time i went to the dentist i almost fainted from the needle that how scared i am about it!! i guess it does not help to be stressing and freaking out about it.

i have to look at it in a good way keep my mind on the positive parts about going....I won't have the pain anymore if i go! i guess I just wanted to right about it because it make me feel batter after I write!

20 things about me

1. I Love Coffee!!!
2. I have a Big family!
3. I am very shy!
4. I Love making people happy and smile!
5. I am scared of Needles and Spiders
6. I have lost someone I loved
7. I have very few best friends
8. I have 2 cats and 1 dog
9. I take anti-depressants
10. I Love Running
11. I have trouble trusting people
12. I don`t eat meat!
13. I have a heart murmur
14. I get a lot of headaches
15. I want to make a youtube account
16. I don`t Eat much
17. I live on a farm
18. I have a sister-in-law with the same name as me
19. I love watching movies
20. I wear glasses and contacts

Things That Make Me Happy

1. Hugs from friend's
2. Running
3. Nice email's
4. Going wakeboarding
5. I Love when people write me LETTER'S!!!
6. Going out for Coffee with a Friend
7. Taking Picture's
8. My Family
9. Writing poems
10. COFFEE!!!!